About Me 0111: 2010

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Help Making Money

While many people may mock the idea of accepting Facebook friend requests from strangers, that might be just what a long-term drug addict needs. An experiment being run in Amsterdam at the moment is exploring the idea.

Dutch branding agency Lemz has set up drug addict Monica with her own Facebook page. As she makes her way around the Dutch city she wears a bright blue jacket bearing text asking people to befriend her on the social network.

What can this possibly achieve? The idea is that by making friends online, Monica will be able to gain self confidence and new interests that will help inspire her to quit her addiction. On the page, Monica says “Don’t be afraid! If you decide to become my friend you will get an interesting peek into my daily life (with a maximum of two posts a day). I will NEVER ask for money or try to visit you in person. The only thing I will ask from you is your online friendship.”

Mark Woerde of Lemz tells us “It all started when a relative of mine started ikgebruik.nl to help junkies find their way to organisations of help. He asked me to help him to promote his site among drugs users. We soon found out that drugs users really wanted to help making this site a big success. Now the site ikgebruik.nl is run by drugs users, sharing their experiences and scaring of potential new users. What really struck me was that these drugs addicts by doing this felt like humans again. Especially when all news channels reported about this group of junkies now helping others.”

Now it’s hoped the Facebook idea will reaffirm Monica’s faith in humanity and that the idea could scale to more addicts in the city. “There are many many people out there who want to help others and you do not need 5000 friends per addict”, Woerde says.

Adrian Ash of BullionVault.com writes that “the International Monetary Fund said it has completed the gold bullion sales program begun in October 2009,” and now 403 tonnes of gold have been sold.

I bring this up all the time because the whole thing pisses me off because we gave those IMF bastards the gold to provide gold-standard legitimacy for their stupid fiat currency, the Special Drawing Right (SDR). And yet here they are selling the gold we loaned them! Gaaahhh!

Mr. Ash is apparently not particularly interested in how I have such a low opinion of the IMF and its little empires of crooks and liars, probably because, at the root, they are just more corrupt bankers, and it is always bankers who are the source of all economic problems, as they are the ones who can create money out of thin air just by making an accounting notation.

Oddly enough, early in my career, I tried this “accounting notation” approach with my boss as a way to “fix” the problem of my poor work performance and dismal results, instead of firing me on the spot, which was her original plan.

The way I explained it was that my Brilliant Mogambo Plan (BMP) was inspired by the fact that We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD) because the foul Federal Reserve is creating so much money. Thus inspired, I suggested that we likewise bring sales forward by creating them out of that selfsame thin air, we book the sales as a profit, thus showing that I am highly profitable, and not incompetent as implied in those lying Quarterly Employee Performance Evaluations.

When she asked, with this stupid look of confusion on her face, “Huh? What? How did you get into my office?” I allayed her natural suspicions by telling her that I figured that this would be offset by subsequent cancellations of those sales, along with our “paying” penalties for breaking the contracts, meaning that, in effect, we would deduct these additional phantom expenses from income to shelter real income from taxation, turning a loss into a profit, everybody’s happy, and we would both get all kinds of terrific bonuses and awards and promotions, and make a lot more money, too!

I remember leaning in towards her and whispering, “All it would take is for the accounting department to ‘play ball’ with us to somehow create money out of thin air, and it is your job to get their compliance and complicity, like Wall Street lobbyists extort compliance from Congress!”

The rest of the story is too ugly to talk about, and suffice it to say that it did not turn out well for me, the moral of which seems to be that creating things out of thin air, like money or sales, is a Very Bad Idea (VBI).

I could tell by the look of puzzlement on Mr. Ash’s face that he probably wonders what in the hell some stupid story, by some stupid guy, about some stupid tax fraud proposed a long time ago, and that probably never happened at all, has to do with gold, or the IMF, or anything that anyone cares about.

Suddenly, I realized he was right! So I sat down and shut up, and was pretty embarrassed until he said, “Some 57% of the 403-tonne total was bought directly by central banks, led by India.”

Inquisitive and suspicious, I wondered, “How much gold is that in terms of ounces?” Quickly, my Agile Mogambo Mind (AMM) set to the task of multiplying 32,150 ounces per tonne times 403 tonnes, only to realize I have no idea what I am doing, and sure to be wrong, as I have been so, so wrong so, so many times about so, so many things, including, and especially, math, ranking, as it does, second on the list of Things That Confuse The Mogambo (TTCTM), losing the top spot to, “What women want and why they just don’t shut up when I tell them to shut up about my not knowing what they want like I am some kind of stupid mind-reader or something.”

That is why I am happy to report that, thanks to some help, we know that 32,150 ounces times 403 tonnes is just under 13 million ounces, which actually ain’t much at $1,400 an ounce, amounting to a lousy $18 billion, which is so little money in an age when the word “trillion” and “trillions” appears so many times in the literature, including that magazine reader who wrote in to say that he liked the beautiful Miss February so much that he could stare at her for a trillion years and never get tired of it.

The point is not that I am rambling and apparently have forgotten to take my pills this morning, but that central banks, Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs) and everybody else is buying gold, gold, gold, which should indicate to you that you should, too.

And if you don’t, you will learn that life can be hard, instead of easy, and which is so easy to achieve because merely buying gold and silver is enough, making it so, so easy that you giggle as you say, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

The Mogambo Guru

for The Daily Reckoning

The Last Angry Man’s Problem With IMF Gold Sales originally appeared in the Daily Reckoning. The Daily Reckoning, offers a uniquely refreshing, perspective on the global economy, investing, gold, stocks and today's markets. Its been called "the most entertaining read of the day."

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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Free Making Money

It's extremely heartening in this time of financial belt tightening to see more and more of my friends making charitable donations for the holidays in lieu of gifts. Whether it's supporting the important work of Doctors Without Borders, or buying a goat for an African village through Oxfam, these fantastic gestures take advantage of avenues set up by caring non profits whose work we really should support all year round. All we have to do is click a button and these organizations will turn our money into food, housing, medical supplies and other forms of aid to needy populations. But there is one population that is never included in all this good will; it is by its very nature difficult to reach, and extremely uncomfortable for most of us to talk about outside of tasteless jokes: inmates who have been raped behind bars.

Why should we care about criminals, you ask? It's because in addition to the horror of rape, these men and women are contending with indifference and shame at best, trauma, ridicule and continued abuse at worst. We don't hear about it very often, but it's a reality for a horrific number of prisoners: over 20 percent of inmates in men's prisons and as many as 25 percent in women's institutions (and these are conservative estimates since so many cases go unreported.) Did you know that right here in Los Angeles there is a human rights organization--Just Detention International -- devoted especially to these survivors of rape?

When you look at the circumstances, at the very institutionalization of rape in our prisons, it can really seem hopeless. The activists working with such isolated victims are truly pioneers. And using the ingenuity of the internet, they make it possible for any of us to reach out and send a message directly to one of these survivors. It takes 30 seconds, it's fast free and easy. But it will provide nothing less than a lifeline to someone who is suffering this holiday season, reminding them they are not alone.

I don't know anyone who doesn't consider themselves compassionate. So if you are, you will not turn away from this great way to make a difference for someone less fortunate. It will take less time than it just took you to read this piece!

JDI will send your card to someone like Beverly, who was sexually abused by staff in a state prison. Beverly wrote

"Here I was feeling like an island all by myself, and that I didn't have anyone to turn to who could possibly understand me. And then I received your envelope. Thank you so very, very much!"

Let's all join JDI in sending holiday cards to sexual abuse survivors in prisons and jails across the U.S.

Ho! Ho! Ho! And a Merry Christmas to you all!

It's that time of year again and I've been so busy making Xboxes and E-readers and blankets with arms in them that I sometimes forget there are others like me doing good works but who are in need of some help.

These other "Santas" operate on a shoestring and need money to do their kind deeds. Unfortunately they can't do what I do to cover the cost of my operations. (I rent out my North Pole facilities to Superman eleven months of the year for him to use as his Fortress of Solitude.)

So Mrs. Claus, the elves, the reindeer and I are asking if you could make a last minute donation to one of the six worthy organizations I've listed below. Or do it as a gift in someone else's name and make that their Christmas present (thus fewer chimneys for me to go down. I know, I know, stop with the burgers in a donut bun.) These Santas will then turn around and use your money to create gifts greater than anything I could ever make in my workshop.

Here they are:

** The Innocence Project. Hundreds, if not thousands, of Americans sit in prison tonight having been wrongly convicted of a crime. They are 100 percent innocent and the system has the DNA samples to prove it. The Innocence Project is an amazing group that provides free attorneys and researchers who devote their time to freeing these innocent men and women. It's no mistake that human rights groups place the United States on their list of countries who throw the innocent behind bars. No country on earth (including China, with four times the population of the United States) has more people in prison than America. Please give to the Innocence Project so that those who've committed no crime do not spend another night in jail -- and so I don't have to spend so much time on Christmas Eve going through security when I make deliveries to them.

** The Bradley Manning Defense Fund. If I witness a crime while making my rounds on Christmas Eve, and I report it, I'm considered a hero. (Sometimes there's reward money!) Private Bradley Manning of the United States Army allegedly came across video of his fellow soldiers gunning down and killing in cold blood two reporters from Reuters and a group of Iraqis who were civilians. He apparently decided to report this crime to the American people. For this, he has been arrested and thrown into the brig -- where he has sat in tortuous solitary confinement for seven months. He is also believed to be the source of thousands of documents obtained by WikiLeaks which show the disgusting and immoral behavior of your government and Pentagon as they've prosecuted two illegal wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. This is a true travesty taking place and it's being done in your name. Please contribute to his legal defense fund and please send him a holiday card at:

Bradley Manning

c/o Courage to Resist

484 Lake Park Ave #41

Oakland CA 94610

USA

(See BradleyManning.org for how to mail things to him directly.)

** WikiLeaks. What more needs to be said? Frankly, in retrospect I'm GLAD they leaked my 2009 Naughty & Nice list -- especially the parts about the U.S. government. I know that may hurt a bit for those of you who are Americans, but trust me, it's good for you in the long run. What I do foresee in the coming year, though, is a battle for who controls the internet -- and those in power are going to find ways to clamp down and not make it so easy for all of us to share with each other so freely. (Another good group to give to that is helping to keep the internet free is Save the Internet.) From the Iraq War video to the proof that you're backing a corrupt government in Afghanistan to the fabricated cables sent to the Bush State Department from Havana about Mike's movie, WikiLeaks has performed an invaluable service. As long as they don't dig into what my elves do in the 11 months they're on vacation, I'm solidly behind WikiLeaks.

** The Water Project. Over a billion people on this planet have no access to clean drinking water. Approximately 2 million children under age 5 are killed each year worldwide by a water-related disease. This is insane considering we have the technology and the people power to fix this in a very short time period -- if we wanted. The money from just one year of the Iraq War would pretty much take care of it. Sad, isn't it, how we're capable of so much more, of being so much better. The Water Project is a hands-on, boots on the ground organization that's digging wells and getting clean drinking water to the Third World. This is one delivery -- water for a billion people -- that just doesn't fit in my sleigh.

** Park 51 Islamic Community Center ("The Ground Zero Mosque"). Here's a tip: if there's anything that will get you a lump of coal in your stocking, it's hating people based on their race or religion. And I'm sorry to say, folks like that were out in full force this year. They even won themselves an election. Soon they will hold congressional hearings to out America's Kenyan-born Muslim president. (My team's already getting extra coal ready for Christmas 2011.)

Meanwhile in lower Manhattan, a group of people who happen to be Muslim want to build a community center. They asked the Jewish Community Center in Manhattan for help. They helped them. It was so nice it made me think I should branch out into Hanukkah and Ramadan. Then the haters showed up. But I believe Park 51 will win this fight. Please help them.

** Democracy Now. This great daily show presents the news we never get to hear on mainstream radio or TV -- especially at the North Pole, where for some reason the cable system only runs the Hallmark channel and Spike. Amy Goodman and Co. do an incredible job bringing the truth to the American public every morning. I listen to them and I support them. (And I support all efforts for non-profit, community-based radio stations. You can learn more about that movement at Radio for All.)

So give if you can. I know these are tight times for most people and you've got yourselves and your families to take care of. I hope this time of the year is going well for you and if not, then please know that there are many -- including me -- who care about you and yours. Working together, it will get better for everyone.

Finally... those of you who don't have chimneys, could you possibly leave the door open this year? I don't like it any more than you do when I have to break in through your bathroom window.

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night,

Santa (c/o Michael Moore)

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Tuesday, December 7, 2010